Two at a Time
Now that we've got you moving along at a clip, please don't walk more than two abreast at any given time. On small sidewalks, there is no other option, but even in areas with huge walkways, large groups of slowly moving people are a bitch to get around. Please don't make us play a game of reverse Red Rover.
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Right Is Right
Just like the tourist lane crafted by that creative prankster, it's important to always stay out of our way. The easiest way to do that is remember that slow traffic should stick to the right—it's just like those giant freeways running through your yard. Follow the same rule when walking up subway stairs, when confronted with another person coming at you, when arguing with Jo-Dean about whether or not she should buy that top she saw in the window at Express. Always stay to the right. This is part of the unwritten contract that all city dwellers have to abide by. We're letting you in on it. You're welcome.
Know Your Place
We want tourists to experience as much of the city as possible. But you also need to leave some of it for us. All of Midtown, especially between 42nd and 59th Streets between Fifth and Eight Avenues is yours. Enjoy it. There are lots of fun (overpriced) things to do. But stay away from Ninth Avenue. The people who live there need places to eat, too. The South Street Seaport? It's all yours. So is the Statue of Liberty. And Ellis Island. You also get the line in front of stupid Magnolia Bakery and anything else associated with Sex and the City tours. Go wild! You can have all of Soho—but only west of Broadway and east of West Broadway. Clog the Apple Store, window shop at Prada, get a cute pair of earrings from one of the ladies on the street. However, leave the boutiques to the east of that—like in Nolita—to us. We like to shop and you are only making it harder. We're going to have to share Uniqlo, but going on Saturday is idiotic, so you can have fun waiting 30 minutes to try on a puce polo shirt. We can also all share Central Park. It's large enough for everyone. As for Brooklyn, don't even try it unless you have a native guide. That place even confounds Manhattanites, so you'll be totally lost.
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Ask for Directions
Contrary to popular belief, New Yorkers are quite nice and we don't want you to get lost. (Nor do we want you hogging the sidewalk to look at a map—see above.) So ask for directions and you'll find that usually the person you ask will hook you up. Even on the subway people will tell you which line to take and which stop to use, and they're usually a lot easier to understand than whatever garbled nonsense comes out of the mouths of the MTA robots housed in those little kiosks. It's a sense of pride for New Yorkers to know the best way to get everywhere, and they don't mind sharing. But don't ask for recommendations. That's what a hotel concierge is for and we're not letting you spoil our favorite spots.LOOK FOR A GUIDE
